Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
