Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
