I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
