I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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