i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
