I just cut my nipple shaving
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
