i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
