he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Girls should come with a carfax report
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar