there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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