He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run