Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina