Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!