8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.