my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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