i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.