We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.