I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
