I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This baby is an asshole
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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