Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
