I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
