Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There are leaves in my underwear?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
