i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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