Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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