Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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