Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
