i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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