the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
