I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
