i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
