in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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