Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
