my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
