btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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