A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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