I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
