in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
