I didn't shave. On purpose
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
