He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
