Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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