My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
