I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
