How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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