Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
