I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
