i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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