I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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