Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
