hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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