i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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