How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
