so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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