then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
