If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
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All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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