They should really pass out barf bags in church
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
