you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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