I puked a lego.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she peed on how many people?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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