take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize