So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
