if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
