We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
