Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
