i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
