I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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