I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
