I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
