Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
