im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Drunk is a universal language darling
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
