You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
