D3 body, D1 cock
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize