So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
