Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
