well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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