I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
