I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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