He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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