I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
