omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
