You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
