Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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