if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My life is pants optional.
Your penis caused this!
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