I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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