So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
