Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
