so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
