Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
