When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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