All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
