My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
