How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i love accidental penises.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
