At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
