how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
