I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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