You work out of a Hotel?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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