i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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