you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
there is puke in my bra ... again
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
