theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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