apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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