whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
