Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
