I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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